Thursday, March 1, 2018

25 Worst Health Foods

Why stop at 25 when there's so many out there. I can do more if you want but should be enough to last you a while.

There are so many people pretending they're healthy by lying to themselves that they're eating the right foods. Yes, I know marketing lied to you but you know this stuff taste too good to be true. All you got to do is look at the ingredients, calories, sugar, fat, and sodium to know better. But I've done you one better and will just straight up tell you what not to eat.

1) Granola- Look, if you're going to eat some sugary bar go all the way and eat a Snickers. Don't eat this just because the photo of is next to a tree. "Ooooh, Nature. It has to be good." It's oat clusters held together by sugar.

2) Fat-Free- Yeah, what you cut in fat, you make up for in artificial flavors and sugar to up the taste. And sugar is way worse for you than fat.

3) Yogurt-  If you're eating Greek Yogurt you're in the clear. But if you're messing with flavored or fruit at the bottom than you've messed up big time. Full of sugar. You may as well throw all those froyo toppings on while you're at it. "Extra cup of Gummy Bears, please."

4) Juice- You'd be better off drinking soda. Too many calories, too much sugar. Doesn't have any of the fiber real fruit has.

5) Dried Fruit- You wish this was healthy. Full of niacin and sugar and sulfur and one of the most common allergens. Fruit is natures candy? This is the real candy. No wonder Raisin Bran is the highest sugar cereal out there!

6) Trail mix- Yay, let's eat chocolate chips, salty nuts, deep fried banana chips, and yogurt covered raisins but pretend we're being healthy because it's meant for eating on a trail. It's like an oatmeal cookie, it's bad for you and doesn't taste as good as real junk food.

7) Sports Drinks- Just like granola, trail mix, and juice, it's one of those things marketed to make you seem like you're healthy. Electrolytes? Buzzword to make you feel like you're getting something out of it. Real athletes drink water. This is just sugar water, may as well have a soda. It's like Under Armour, people wear it to feel athletic but it's too tight and we see your big gut.

8) Wheat bread- High fructose corn syrup, molasses, yep, that sounds like ingredients to get someone lean. Not counting all the carbs that come along while never really filling you up. What a great thing to eat lots of before your entree comes out when dining out. Add some butter while you're at it.

9) Light Salad Dressing- Yeah, low in fat, high in sugar. That's always the trade-off. You're lucky if it stops there.

10) Veggie Burgers- Full of salt, fat, and enough soy to make sure you're bloaty and farting through the rest of your day. And that's not even counting the wheat bread and shit they stack on the burger.

11) Canned Soup-Full of sodium and sugar, though they act like it's a food that can help you lose weight. Much like Subway pretends to do that.

12) Frozen Dinners- I don't care if has the word lean in the title it's full of salt and sugar.

13) Lunch Meat-Sodium, nitrates, artificial flavors, and studies say it links to cancers of the digestive tract.

14) Turkey Bacon- What you lose in calories you'll make up in sodium, saturated fat, nitrates, artificial flavors, and worst of all... worse taste. If you're going to cheat, go all the way.

15) Instant Oatmeal- Go ahead and just eat cereal if you're going to eat this trash. Most cereal has less sugar, tastes better, and quicker to make if you're in a rush.

16) Coconut Water- 29 grams of sugar in a single serving. How many varieties of sugar water are out there pretending to be good for you?

17) Cous Cous- Just a bunch of white pasta. Sorry to ruin it for you.

18) Whole Grain Cereal- Whole grain, another buzz word. what they really mean is they probably dumped a bunch of fiber on it to make you feel good about all the sugar you just consumed. May as well have a donut. Anything that says crunch on it, run for the hills.

19) Tomato Sauce- Full of sodium and sugar, you're better off making your own or befriending an Italian.

20) Edamame- Full of salt and estrogen.

21) Milk Substitutes- While something like almond milk can be a good sub in small portions, a lot of the brands are full of sugar and artificial flavors.

22) Veggie pizza- All you're doing is ruining a perfectly good pizza. I'm sorry that you thought putting some spinach leaves on top of fried cheese was going to cure the saturated fat but it doesn't. Don't fuck up everyone else's cheat day by putting on vegetables on a pizza. Keep your pizza, pizza, and your vegetables, vegetables.

23) Protein Bars- Bloaty and gassy from all the whey and soy, full of sugar, carbs, fat, sodium, artificial flavors, and corn syrup. And they taste like shit. There's no good tasting protein bar, there's only less worse tasting protein bars. Here's a better idea. Eat a Snickers and down a protein shake. It's the same thing and at least the real candy bar will taste better and you'll get even more protein.

24) Processed Organic Food- Another buzzword to make you think healthy. The 2 words shouldn't even be in the same room together. Organic doesn't automatically equal healthy. Go get you some organic ice cream and organic corn dogs and see how good you look in 2 months.

25) Smoothies- Just like juice, it's fruit stripped of all the good stuff, the fiber, and you're left with all the bad stuff, the sugar. Mix that in with whatever fatty milk product is thrown in, and you'd be better off with some starburst.


Stop falling for marketing, do some research, use your gut instinct.  Don't fall for these scams. Europeans are laughing at how fat we are.

That's it for now, there are many others but this is already longer than I planned on writing.

If you want me to address other foods you're on the fence about, or want to debate anything I wrote: be my guest.